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Visualization for Empaths

3/3/2018

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Emotional defense mechanisms are like brick walls. They don’t discriminate about what they keep out. Your shield, may very well serve the purpose of keeping out hurt or pain but it simultaneously keeps out opportunities for attachment, care and love. This defense likely served a valuable function at one point in your life, protecting you in a situation that was perceived to be threatening. The presence of these built-in protective shields become problematic when they are continued out of habit rather than necessity. These emotional walls can often become unconsciously attached with your identity and cause you to detach from relationships or isolate from life experiences even in conflict with personal goals. Some may never have created an adaptive mechanism and feel overwhelmed by chaotic social environments, high-intensity work experiences, confrontation with another person and even emotionally intense movies. These are often Introverts or Empaths (people with high emotionally intelligence).  

For those who absorb other people’s negativity or emotion and need to build up their emotional boundary for personal health, visualizing a shield, of sorts, can make concrete your emotional boundary. If you consider yourself to be an Empath this skill is VITAL to your own emotional grounding and in preventing burnout. I encourage my clients to personalize this activity to ensure efficacy of intervention. Make it your own!

Example 1: Imagine a superhero shield. When you feel like you need to deflect the negativity that someone else is trying to throw at you, place the palms of your hands up slightly. As you flex your hands, imagine this invisible shield switching on. It acts as a mirror, causing any negative emotion or comment to bounce right back at the person projecting it toward you.

Example 2: Have you ever seen Harry Potter? Remember the scene where Voldemort and Dumbledore battle in the Ministry of Magic? Dumbledore protects himself from thrown shattered glass by creating a shield. In this shield, anything that passes through is morphed into soft sand and rendered harmless. Use your finger as a wand when you want to implement this skill (a finger moving is inconspicuous in public and the physical cue can help formalize the shield visualization for your brain).

For those who have developed too rigid of a boundary with others and want to break down those bricks to connect again, reflect on people or environments that you can rationally identify as “safe”. Example 1: When ready, imagine stepping through this removed space of your environment and into open air. Join the world. Your brain has gotten so good at compartmentalizing that making a choice to join the present moment in your mental and emotional entirety will likely feel very uncomfortable. When you consciously bring down your emotional shield, do you feel lost, vulnerable or naked? The discomfort is temporary. The more you practice this skill and gain control, the associated anxiety of the unfamiliar will dissipate (I swear).

As with most concepts in the therapeutic context, we seek healthy moderation. Having an ability to turn on those protective walls in a future threatening situation can be a useful tool in keeping you safe. Having control of the emotional fluidity between you and your outside social environment can help you connect on a deeper level with those you care for. Moderation can help us remain safe while still prioritizing our quality of life.
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Good luck in your practice of healthy emotional boundaries! 

Author

Stephanie P. Bathurst, MA, LCMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist

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Shame and Guilt: The directives of our social selves.

3/31/2017

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​So, what exactly is the difference? The terms are often used interchangeably.  However, there are some core differences that help us to clearly identify their origin when we feel that these painful emotions are creating unhealthy dysfunction in our lives.
 
Shame is a projection of disappointment from other people in your social system. This is a natural deterrent for unapproved behaviors from an individual, as it decays one’s position in their social hierarchy. In contrast, Guilt is an internally driven emotion, substantiated by conflict between your behavioral actions and core values or morals. Shame is dependent on the opinions of others’ and is often related to an observable consequence. Guilt builds off of one’s developed moral and ethical code of conduct. Both concepts are associated with one another closely and both require an inherent sense of empathy to be present.
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                       As per Dictionary.com
SHAME
noun
1.
the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another:
 
GUILT
noun
2.
a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
The anthropological tellings of “Never in Anger” authored by Jean L. Briggs focuses on the social norms and expectations of an Inuit Eskimo community, the Utku. As an anthropologist, Briggs sought to immerse herself into the culture, finding it difficult to adapt to the social avoidance of Anger, which was seen as a shameful lack of self-control. Deviations from the social norm are adjusted and molded by implementation of shame and guilt. In this narrative, members were physically and emotionally ostracized, shamed for their disregard of systemic rules (presenting with a lack of strict emotional regulation). This reinforced conformity in the system, thus strengthening the efficacy of using shame and guilt as behavioral modification tools in society. 

What culture(s) do you personally connect with and in what ways do Shame or Guilt drive you to unite with the rules and expectations of your external environment?

Author

Stephanie P. Bathurst, MA, LCMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist

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    As a Clinician, my professional passion is helping couples to identify happiness and security in the confusion of societal pressures.
     
    I have worked within many different domains in the field of Therapy and across all client demographics. Both personally and professionally, these writings are brought with hopes for insight, discussion and debate. To help us all continue to grow and evolutionize ourselves through knowledge.

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